


Kageyama x Reader: Silently Dispersing

by upcourt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upcourt/pseuds/upcourt
Summary: A Kageyama x Reader (Angst + Fluff) By CourtWarnings: Suicide and Depression, Insecurities, ProfanityNotes:1. I accept constructive criticism with editorial issues and revisions2. Updates will arbitrarily vary depending on my schedule3. Do not repost or plagiarize4. Please note that my purpose of writing is not to belittle the gravity of suicide. If you are uncomfortable with  any of the subjects mentioned above, please refrain from reading.5. Hope you enjoy :)
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Wishes

"It's so beautiful, Tobio!"

You grab his hand as you dragged him towards the frozen lake, a lustrous sheen of ice coating the water underneath.

"Hey!" the blueberry-eyed male scoffs and tugs his hand away from your grasp.

"Hehe, sorry about that," you flash a sheepish closed-eyed smile and scratch the side of your neck.

Cheeks flushing a rosy hue, you set your bag down and pull out your cell phone, quickly snapping a picture of the frosty scenery.

"What do you think? Should I draw this?" you turn to Kageyama, who stands frigidly in his light and navy blue jacket.

"Well, you're better at drawing people than backgrounds," he suddenly shivers when a bitter winter wind icily brushes against his frozen figure.

You unravel your scarf and place it around his neck, his eyes widening briefly as you snap a photo of his surprised complexion.

"Hey, wait- (Y/N), boke, delete that!"

"No, you said I draw people better than sceneries."

Kageyama lunges for your phone, but you quickly hide the electronic behind your back. He lightly whacks your shoulder, and you giggle mischievously.

"(Y/N), just delete the picture."

You hesitate at his stoic, firm voice, and slowly, you lean closer to him. You stare into his hard, blue orbs and drift your gaze down to his frigid nose. He tenses at your sudden actions, a pink dust appearing across his face.

"Wait what are you-"

Suddenly, you tap the tip of his nose gently, and pull away, smiling.

"Sorry Tobi, but I will be needing this."

"Boke," he scoffs, blushing at the nickname.

The two of you sit on the nearby bench, a frost coating over the wood. You lean your head against the crook of his neck.

"I don't want winter break to end," you sigh.

I wish I could stay here with you forever, trapped behind the frame of this photo, this beautiful memory. It's pretty, isn't it, Tobio?

"School's inemitable, I guess."

"Since when did you start using 'big boi' words? Who taught you that?"

"... Hinata."

"It's 'inevitable,' boke," you smirk.

He scoffs and looks away, and you chuckle softly.

"Thank you, Tobio."

"For what?"

"For being a good friend."

_I wish this would never end. I wish we could be more than this._

You lean against the plastic classroom desk, your eyes subconsciously drifting to the back of Kageyama who squints at the biology textbook. His black bangs frame his concentrated expression, brows furrowing. A sweat drop forms on the side of his forehead as he repeatedly scans the Calvin cycle. His rare, studious figure is beautifully perfect, captured in your memory as you glance side to side to fortunately sigh in relief from their oblivious forms.

The teacher passes out test results from the previous biology test, abruptly halting in front of your desk.

"Miss (L/N), would you like to explain how you got a C when the rest of your peers received at least a B+?"

An uneasy tension fizzles within your gut, your shoulders tensing, as the unsettling fear of ignorance paralyzes your body. Your mouth hangs open to silently choke the answer - rather guilt lurking in the corners of your mind - overcrowded by their stares, penetrating. Shaking, you sputter distorted words as you fall apart in front of them, in front of him.

"I... um, it... I-"

"Perhaps if you would stop staring at Kageyama, you would get better grades."

You meet Kageyama's eyes, and you shut down, your voice hitching. Their laughs rang in your ears, your tears threatening to fall. You swipe the drops away with your arms, staining the sleeves of your sweaters.

_I won't cry in front of him. I told myself I wouldn't. I told Tobio I wouldn't._

But the ambivalence clashes, and it is too much. You slam your head against the desk, ignorant to the crimson red staining the plastic, resembling the marks on your paper.

_I wish I wasn't here._

You muffle your sobs against your sweater, shutting your eyes to disappear.

_I wish I could stop messing up._

He turns away.

You wish for conceivable wishes.


	2. Chapter 2: Antipathy

_Your legs hung over the ledge of the swing as you rocked back and forth. Your eyes scanned the sakura trees swaying, your mind drifting to a thoughtless tranquility._

_"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Can you come toss for me?"_

_You looked over your shoulder to see a chibi Kageyama running towards you, volleyball in hand. Before you could respond, he dragged you to the nets and pushed the ball in your hands._

_"You ready?"_

_"Yeah!" you give him a gap-toothed grin._

_Ecstatic excitement coursed through your eight-year-old self as you threw the volleyball into the air, the ball sailing far above his head._

_"I'm sorry! That was too high!"_

_"That's okay! Here, try again!"_

_Still, your tosses flew in all arbitrary directions and heights, refusing to land in the miniature setter's hands. Your repeated apologies gradually quieted as the inevitable sense of doubt compiled. Tears watered your eyes, the failures igniting a sharp tightness in your chest._

I'll get it the next time...

_Your breathe hitched, suddenly, the pain flaring in your lungs._

_"(Y/N), your tosses are too short! Try to throw it a little higher and closer to me."_

_For the eighth consecutive time, Kageyama passed you the ball. You let the volleyball bounce aimlessly off your chest, the pent teardrops finally leaking from your eyes. Biting your lip, you blinked the wetness away, fruitlessly wishing for it to go unnoticed._

_"(Y/N)! Your lip is bleeding! What's wrong?"_

_He wore a concerned face as he gently patted your back._

_"I'm - hic - sorry. I keep - hic - messing - hic - up."_

_"Don't cry! You don't look very pretty when you cry."_

_"B-but I keep failing..."_

_"That's okay! Each fail will always be a better fail than the last!"_

_"Can you promise me something." Tobio asked_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Promise me you won't cry."_

_"I promise!"_

_"Promise what?"_

_"I promise I won't cry anymore, Tobio."_

_"And what happens if you spill milk?"_

_"I won't cry!"_

_Really?_

Kageyama gently shakes your shoulder, beckoning you to follow him.

"(Y/N), get up. It's lunch."

"Oh..."

The two of you sit in the rooftop alone.

A nauseous frustration undoubtedly sickens you, the desire to forget unattainable. It is the brutal reality of shame that resides beneath the shallow surface of your mind: an antipathy of failure which embodies dissension inalienably rooted in your nature. Its ruthless mannerisms itch for an escape, however futile, trapped behind the hopeless lies.

"Are you upset about earlier?"

"What?" you look away from his piercing eyes and stare at the laces of your untied shoes.

"Why were you crying?"

"Oh- I um... I'm having my period!"

" ... "

"It's fine! I was just feeling a little bit down before, but I'm okay now," you grin to cover up the fabrications. "Soooo do you have volleyball practice today?"

"Yeah."

He continues to hold the evident look of concern in his eyes. For a brief moment, you frown grimly, forgetting the facade that hid the bitter shame. You give him a small smile.

"Great! I'll be there."


End file.
